Dear Kaya & Ollie,

I’ve had a few things sitting in my brain that I really want to put out there for you.

First of all, I can’t say enough how privileged I feel that I get to be your mom.  There’s hardly a day that goes by that I don’t sit in awe of the creatures that God made you to be, and the fact that He chose to bless me with you.  Really, sometimes I can hardly believe that you’re mine.  You have so much life ahead of you and I’m honored to be a part of it.  I pray constantly that God works in me to create the mother that you deserve and the childhood that He wants for you.  I just love you so much.  SOOO much.

I could write about how much I love you all day, but I guess I’ll move on.  Sort of.

I am big on doing what I can to help you want to live in your childhood as long as possible.  As I’ve said before, I don’t want you to long for adulthood so much that you forget to enjoy your childhood.  It happens all too often, and I don’t want that to be your experience.  It’s for that reason that I love throwing parties for you and your friends; I love talking to you about whatever is on your brain at the moment; I love taking you out to do fun things for no reason whatsoever; I love telling stories, reading, and writing books together; and so much more.  Right now, I can only do most of those things with you, Kaya, but I love do what I can with Oliver too.  I love our dance parties, making you laugh at silly faces, listening to you try to say “triangular block” (sounds something like “gragugula bock”), wearing bowls on our heads, and whatever other silliness happens in a day.  That being said, it’s no wonder that I’m obsessed with children’s books that grab your attention, movies that spark your imagination, or plays that make you want to perform.  I think one of God’s greatest gifts to us is the ability to create, and I think we are most naturally close to that innate ability before we are hampered down by the “burdens” of adulthood. This is why I love childhood as much as I do, and want to foster your creativity and confidence now before life tries to take some of that away.

One personal quality that I am severely lacking in is self-confidence.  That gets in the way of a lot of things, but most often it gets in the way of my using talents that God has given me.  I squash my imagination before it can take me anywhere; I run away from opportunities to use my talents with the reason that I don’t want to look over-confident and not humble; and, most of all, I try to deny that these talents even exist.  All the time.  If they don’t exist, I’m under no obligation to use them, right?  Nope, not so much.  Now that you understand that about me, maybe you can understand why I try so hard right now to encourage confidence in your abilities, try to keep your imagination active, and want to always provide opportunities to explore every creative outlet until you find the one (or more) that God has given you the particular talent to use to bring Him glory.

I am certain that God gives us all unique gifts that are meant to be used to bring Him glory.  When we use those gifts and talents according to God’s will, He blesses us and we grow in Him.  I wonder what blessings I miss out on by not using my talents for His glory.  While you may wonder that later in life as well, I do not want to be the reason why.  I do not want to stand in the way of your discovering what your talent is and how you should use it.  And I most certainly don’t want to be the one who holds you back from confidence in Him and His ability to use you.

I realize that I’m rambling, and you’re probably wondering why I’m rambling so much about this right now.  This is just something that’s been on my heart and mind since I found out that I was pregnant with you, Kaya.  I knew then that I was going to have to find some way to get over my fears and do what I could to encourage you down a different path of confidence, if I didn’t want you to miss out on an important part of what God has for you.  I guess I’ve been thinking a lot about this over the last few weeks, because we’ve (Kaya & I) had more opportunities than usual to go out and do things together, and all of those things have triggered some sort of creative response, sparked your imagination somehow, or caused you to ask questions about your talents.

I had the opportunity to take some cast photos for a local production of Wizard of Oz that a friend was starring in, so we were able to see that together.  You came from there wondering if singing was one of your talents.  That made me so happy.  You told me you thought it was one of your talents, and I told you that you were probably right. J  And, just yesterday, you said, “Mom, I think I’ll never stop singing because that’s one of my talents.”  I told you that I thought that was a very good thing.  You love to sing to God, and I know He loves to hear it.

Then, this last weekend, we went to a Dr. Seuss Read Across America event, then to see the movie “Tangled” (playing at the $3 theater of course).  You love Dr. Seuss and I love where his books take you.  You get completely caught up in his worlds of color and silly creatures.  Whenever we read his books, I can see the wheels turning in your brain.  The movie did the same thing for you.  Not all movies do that, but when there is one that does, it makes me happy.  We left that movie talking about the characters and what kind of story you would write if you were writing one.  When we got home, we made a book together that you were very proud of.  I selfishly wanted to keep it, but you really wanted to give it to your teacher so that’s where it is.

Those are just some examples of your creative exploration that have happened recently and are standing out in my mind right now.

Last thing, I promise!

I LOVE watching you both grow.

Oliver – Your vocabulary is growing daily and your sense of humor seems to grow with it.  You are passionate about everything, from excitement when we’re putting your shoes on to anger when you can’t have crackers.  You are a passionate boy and I love that about you.  Instead of just saying yes when asked if you want something, you excitedly respond with a very chipper, “Okay!”  I’ve never once heard you just say yes.  It’s with that same enthusiasm that you throw yourself on the floor when you don’t get what you want.  Haha.  You’re growing there as well though.  You’ve begun to respond when I ask you to calm down, and don’t always require a time-out to get there.  You also love to draw, and your drawings are starting to look like actual shapes.  You still love Blue’s Clues and bath time, playing with and torturing your sister, and cuddling.  I can’t wait to see what talents God grows in you!

Kaya – You are growing in so many ways…  You are constantly learning from relationships with your friends at school.  As we’ve worked through “problems” together, you’ve learned to take initiative and talk to friends about your problems on your own, without any prodding from me.  You are exploring your talents and creativity on your own more now.  And, I think the biggest leap I’ve seen you make happened just last week.  You and I were praying before bed, as we always do, and you asked for time to listen for God.  (We’ve talked many times before about listening for God’s voice, and that it takes time to learn how to hear it.)  I told you that you could, of course, have time for that!  While you were on the couch with your head in a pillow, being silent before God, I was on the other side of the couch, praying fervently that you would be able to hear Him.  A short while later, you popped your head up and said, “Mom!  I heard, ‘Kaya, I love you so much!’”.  I had to keep myself from crying, I was so happy.  I just loved hearing that from you.  I told you how great that was and we started walking back to your room.  On the way, you asked, “How do I know that it was God and not just in my head?”  What a great question for a six-year-old!  I told you that it just takes time and to keep listening.  To which you responded, “Okay.  I’m only six and I’m already learning to hear God!”  Oh, Kaya, you don’t know how happy that whole exchange made me.

I am so blessed to have you both as my kids, and I hope someday you read this, knowing how much you mean to me.

Love you to the moon and back…

Forever and ever…

Mommy

It’s incredibly rare that Oliver allows himself to be recorded in any manner.  He usually grabs for the camera as soon as he realizes it’s there, but this time he didn’t even notice.   The video quality is awful, but it’s better than nothing, right?

Oliver, you turned two on September 23^rd of this year.  I can’t believe you’re two already!  Right now, you are obsessed with Blue’s Clues, so that’s what we decided to stick with for your birthday.  We didn’t do a huge party or even spread it out over more than one day.  You would have been overwhelmed by all the people, and having things happen over a period of days would have just been confusing; so we decided to do all of your birthday stuff on the Saturday after your birthday.  You woke up to a living room full of 71 balloons (it would have been 72, but one had a hole), with your presents scattered underneath them.  You loved them all (Blue’s Clues books, stuffed animals, toys, a Super-Why backpack, and Indiana Jones hat), but you were pretty overwhelmed by mid-morning.  You didn’t really get to enjoy your toys until the next week, when you could enjoy them one at a time without being overwhelmed by a huge amount of activity.

We played with your toys and balloons until your nap time, then we got everything ready for a family barbecue while you slept.  When you woke up, we all went to the backyard for a barbecue with Papa, Grammy, Auntie, Uncle Randy, Chloe, Grandpa Jack, Grandma Debbie, Carissa, and Mikey.  You actually sat at the table and ate with us the entire time!  You’ve never been willing to do that before.  In all honesty, it may have had something to do with the fact that you were getting food that you don’t normally get to eat (chips & hot dogs), but I was happy about it nonetheless.  At the end of the meal, we ate oatmeal cranberry cookies and sugar cookies with paw prints on them.  You LOVE “oaty” stuff, so I thought those would be a hit, and they were.  You weren’t too crazy about the sugar cookies, but you did like the “clues” that were on them.

After dinner, we opened more gifts.  You seemed to like them all, but didn’t quite understand why you had to wait to open them.  We put a couple together and turned on the new bubble machine, and you had a great time.  You loved the bubbles floating over your head, but weren’t too fond of them flying in your face.  Your cousin, Chloe, danced around in them while you stared at them in awe.  It was pretty cute.

This year, you’ve come a long way.  You know quite a few words (most of them having to do with food), you are such an adventurer, but you are still such a lovey-dovey cuddly baby.  You love to cuddle with me, your sissy, and play with your daddy.  You’ve finally started to give me kisses too, and I couldn’t love it more.  With as stubborn as you are, you have protested for a long time.  Your kisses have always been few and far between, but you’ve been generous with them lately.  I’m still the only one that you’ll give them to, but they are treasured when you give them.  We all love you so much and can’t wait to see how you continue to grow!

Love you to the moon and back,

Mommy

(Hoping to follow up with video soon…)

Kaya, you turned six on July 28^th of this year.  The day of your birthday, we spent doing all kinds of fun stuff.  You woke up to your favorite cereal and presents from us.  The things that you’re into this year haven’t changed a lot since last year, and that’s more than okay with me.  You still love books, pretty clothes, princess stuff, and art supplies; and that is what you got for your birthday.  Your favorite gift this year was one that you’d been asking for, for months after seeing an infomercial on TV.  You really wanted a unicorn Pillow Pet, and I kept trying to play it off like I couldn’t find one in time for your birthday.  When you opened your gift, you dove into the box and stayed there for a while just to cuddle with your new toy.

After breakfast, you and I headed to see the free summer showing of “Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs”.  I loved that book as a kid and was excited to see the movie with you.  You haven’t been as into that book yet, but that’s probably just because we have so many that it’s hard to get stuck on one or two right now.  The movie was really not like the book though, so that didn’t matter and you enjoyed it quite a bit.  Your favorite part was when the two main characters spent the day in a house of Jell-O.  We’ve talked about that many times since then.

When the movie was over, we headed over to the State Fair for some more Mommy-Kaya time.  You had a really hard time decided which rides you wanted to spend your tickets on, but you were happy with your choices once you did decide.  I was very proud of you for going on the “Super Slide” by yourself!  That slide was HUGE, but you decided that you wanted to do it and you did, even though you were nervous once you got to the top.  You did great!

After we spent some time by ourselves at the Fair, it was time to go home and get Daddy.  Grammy & Papa met us at home to give you birthday gifts and to watch Oliver so that we could stay out later.  This was the first year that you got to stay up late enough to see the fireworks at the end of the night.  You loved them of course, and we loved watching you love them.

It’s so fun to enjoy more “grown-up” things with you now that you’re older, but I don’t really want you to keep growing up.  I’d like you to stay a little girl for a very long time.  I know that you don’t understand why being a kid is so great, and sometimes you’re anxious to grow up, but I really hope you stay a kid a little longer than I did.  I think that’s something that a lot of parents hope for their kids.  Very few of us linger in our childhood for long enough.  Since you were born, I’ve found myself getting super emotional at seemingly silly occasions (the silliest being when we listen to the Muppet Babies sing, “I Will Always Love You”).  I just want your childhood to be rich and full of good memories, love, and experiences that you will draw from.  The teenage years will come soon enough, followed by adulthood; and every time I’m reminded of that, it brings lots and lots of tears.  They’re not sad tears, necessarily – just sentimental tears.  I usually manage to hide them but they’re still there.  My heart just swells when we get time together to make memories and share fun experiences.

Right now, we’re planning a trip to Disneyland that you know nothing about.  I’m so excited, I can hardly contain the secret.  We participated in Disney’s Give A Day, Get A Day program this year, so we have tickets to use, and we’re lucky enough to have Uncle Bill and Aunt Berit who live so close to the park.  We’re going to be renting a car next Thursday (ours won’t make it that far) and driving down to stay with Uncle Bill & Aunt Berit.  When we start the trip, that’s the only thing that we’re telling you.  You’ll be excited enough to go visit them.  On Friday morning, we’re going to tell you our secret then spend the day enjoying the wonders of Disneyland.  You are still so into princesses and all things Disney, that you are probably going to spend all day on cloud nine.  I think every kid your age would be on cloud nine there, but getting to meet the princesses and other characters is probably going to send you over the moon.  I can’t wait.

As if that’s not enough, you recently told me that you’re dream vacation would be to spend a day in Disneyland and a day at the beach.  Well, weather permitting, we’ll be spending Saturday at the beach.  The last time you saw the ocean, you were Oliver’s age (just over two) and you loved it.  We had taken a trip to Catalina Island to visit Auntie while she worked at Campus by the Sea.  You just couldn’t get enough of the water.  Every time there was a chance to ride a boat, we went.  And anytime I’d let you in the water, you were there without hesitation.  Since you were so young, your memories are vague, but you do remember liking it and that you want to go again.  It will be so fun to see the beach through your six-year-old eyes.

Back to your birthday though—

When we started talking about your birthday in January, we decided that we would do our own version of Chuck E. Cheese’s, called Kaya Cheese’s.  We waited to hold the party until after school started in August so that you could invite all of your school friends too.  It was actually kind of nice for you that way, because it made your birthday experience last longer.  You basically had a two-week long birthday.  J  When we did have your party, we had Kaya Cheese’s in our backyard, with game stations where you could win tickets and a prize store at the end.  We also had a rain-stick craft, a dance party, and brownie ice cream sandwiches.  You and your friends had tons of fun.   It was a great end to a great two weeks.

I can’t believe how quickly the last six years have gone.  You are growing into such a beautiful person and I couldn’t love you more.  This year, you have learned so much about friendship, become a great big sister, an awesome student, and you are still very much my baby.  You like it that way, and so do I.  I love watching you grow more independent and figure out how to do more things on your own, but I’d be happy if you stayed my baby forever and ever.

Love you to the moon and back,

Mommy

Here are a few pictures from your party, thanks to a couple of friends who were willing to drag the camera around for a while.

Dear Kaya,

Today you graduated from Kindergarten.  We are so proud of you!  And I’ll admit that I’m a little proud of myself for only crying three times during your ceremony.  It seems a little bit silly to say that we are proud of you for graduating Kindergarten, when there was no question as to whether or not it would happen.  But that’s not really why we’re proud.  We’re proud of how you carried yourself this year, the lessons you learned so well, how you’ve grown in so many ways, the way you made friends and treated those around you, and the way you are growing into such a beautiful young woman.  We are proud of you for the choices that you have made this year that have made you such a wonderful student and friend.  Here are a few examples…

During your first weeks of school, there was a little girl who began pushing you and your friends for no apparent reason.  We talked about it every day that it happened, which was pretty much every day, until you got up the courage to talk to her.  Instead of being mean to her or running away like most five-year-old girls, you talked to her.  You told her that you wanted to be her friend, but it was really hard when she was always pushing you and your friends.  You said that if she stopped pushing, you and your other friends would like to play with her.  And, just like that, she stopped.  She stopped pushing, hugged you every chance she got, and played with you and your friends like the nice little girl she really was.   I loved that you were able to befriend a girl who didn’t know how to do it herself.  I was reminded of how proud I was every time I was at school for recess and your little friend came running up to give you a hug and tell me just how much she loved you.

There was another girl later in the year that was just plain mean.  She told you that she wouldn’t play with you anymore and didn’t want to be your friend, without giving you any reason.  From what I saw, it was because she found some “cool girls” that she wanted to impress and that was how she thought she should do it.  After all the talks we had about trying to be nice to other kids even when they weren’t, how to talk to make friends with every one, how to be understanding of other people and their feelings/actions, and how to show your friends God’s love in the way you treated them…  After all that, I seriously wanted to come to that school and give that little girl a talking to that she wouldn’t forget.  I wanted her to understand what she was doing and feel really, really bad.  (That mama bear instinct is darn strong!)  It took everything in me to hold myself back from doing just that.  I was in your class often enough that it wouldn’t have been hard…  But once I convinced myself not to do that, I then had to convince myself not to solve your problem by talking to her parents.  Every day, I debated with myself – do I talk to her parents?  Is Kaya too young to handle this by herself?  When is the right age to start letting her solve her “friend” problems?  Aaahhh!  I DON’T KNOW!  I knew that you would have this problem again and eventually you were going to have to learn to deal with it, but now?  Did it have to be when you were five and your little heart could be broken so easily?  I kept wondering this and waiting for the right answer, and then one day you came home with it.  You did exactly the right thing.  You didn’t just ignore her (like I eventually told you to do), you weren’t mean to her, you didn’t find another group of  “cooler” friends to hang out with and laugh at her, and you didn’t tell her that you weren’t her friend anymore.  You, in your beautifully confident and careful innocence, wrote her a note.  You told her that you didn’t like it when she was mean to you, then talked to her about it the next day.  She apologized, said she would be nice again, and you were friends again.  No mama bear instincts needed.

All year, you showed how well grounded you were when you tried to play with everyone equally, showing no favorites.  You played chase, princesses, dead fairies (that one makes me laugh all the time), spies, and many other things.   Then you started talking about boys…

I was a bit worried that you be as boy crazy as I was, but it seems that I don’t need to worry about that just yet.  About halfway through the year, you came home and told me that one of the boys in your class “liked” you as did three of his other friends.  I asked what you thought about that and you said you didn’t know.  You talked to your other girl friends and decided that none of you knew what to do or why the boys would say something like that.  You were so serious when you told me, and I listened just as seriously.  By the end of the year, you told me that you had a boyfriend.  When I asked what that meant, you told me that it just meant that he was called your boyfriend and you were called his girlfriend.  Apparently, there was no holding hands, extra playing at recess, standing together in line, or anything else to make a mama bear get protective.  You still think kissing boys is gross and I’d like to keep it that way for as long as possible.

Along with all of this, you were Lion of the Week three times (along with only one other classmate), climbed to one of the highest reading levels in the class, and were awarded the Lion of the Year Award at the end of the year.

You are a very bright girl, but I am so much more proud of you for the character shaping choices you are making.  You are making them beautifully and I am so proud and beyond blessed to be your mommy.

Love you to the moon and back…

forever and ever…

Mom

You are becoming a beautiful young lady, full of love, character, and your very own hopes and dreams. Right now, you can’t decide whether you want to be a singer, an actress, a cheerleader, or a dancer when you grow up. The cheerleader part started one day when you heard Daddy talking about how he used to play basketball. You then decided that you wanted to be a cheerleader so that you could cheer for him when he played. I was completely shocked to hear the word “cheerleader” come from your mouth, but in context it made sense.

You are SUCH a good big sister, and you love your little brother so much. Sometimes, when he doesn’t want to play with you, it makes you so sad. I hate to see that, but I know that’ s just how the brother/sister thing is going to work over the years. Most of the time, he adores you. When I tell him that it’s time to pick you up from school, he drops whatever he’s doing, gets a big grin on his face, comes toddling over as fast as his little legs will let him, and says, “Aya, aya, aya!”. You can make him laugh like no one else, and your lullabies have helped him to sleep on more than one occasion. You guys antagonize each other better than anyone else too. If one of you has something, the other one wants it. If one of you is giving me a hug, the other one wants it (I don’t mind that one at all). If one of you turns something on, the other turns it off. And the list goes on… You two love each other more than anything though, and for that I am grateful.

You are also such a good student! You know how to read so well, always try your hardest, listen well, play with everyone, stand up for your friends, and you’re always willing to try new things. You really are an amazing girl!

I haven’t had any breakthrough moments that I feel I need to share with you. I just want to let you know that I love you!

I love you more than words can say.

I love you to the moon and back, and around again.

If you could count every speck of love that I have for you, you would never stop counting. All the grains of sand in the world and stars in the sky aren’t enough to measure my love for you.

I love you when you’re happy.

I love you when you’re sad.

I love you when you give me hugs & cuddles.

I love you when you’re angry.

I love you when you tell me that I’m a mean mommy because I won’t let you do what you want (or, in Oliver’s case, just scream and throw yourself on the floor).

I love you when you run up to me to give me hugs and won’t let go of my legs, even as I walk around the house.

I love you when we read books together.

I love you when we’re playing games.

I love you when you’re with me, and still just as much when you’re not.

I love you no matter what. Forever. Always.

Whatever else is happening in your life, my love for you will not change. I just want you to know that.

Love you to the moon and back,

Mom

Right now, you are struggling A LOT with your curly hair. You don’t know whether you like or not, you’re frustrated that your hair gets “poofy” when you wear it down, and you don’t like how long it takes to make it “pretty”. We’ve talked a lot about your hair and how a lot of people pay to have their hair curled like yours, how it is beautiful and someday you’ll enjoy it more than you do now. As much as I know you believe that, you are frustrated and I am struggling with how to teach you that you’re beautiful whether your hair is curly or straight, poofy or smooth, short or long. I don’t want to straighten it so often that you think that’s how it “should” be, but I don’t want to encourage your hatred of curly hair by putting it up too often or letting it get poofy when it’s down. I know that by the time you read this you’ll probably have very definite opinions about how you like your hair, and whatever you decide is fine with me. But, I want you to know this: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

Your beauty starts on the inside, where your beautiful heart resides. It starts with you giving hugs and cuddles, playing with the kids who don’t have friends, helping the class bully learn to be nice by being nice to her, and so many other loving things that you feel and do. It doesn’t stop there though. You are beautiful on the outside too. God saw fit to bless you with beautiful features like your big brown eyes, beautiful lips, cute little nose, a dancer’s build, and just all-around beautifulness. See, no matter what your hair looks like, the features that make you beautiful stay the same. It just so happens that you do have amazingly beautiful curly hair too, but that’s not going to ever be the thing that makes you or keeps you from being beautiful.

Your hair is a great accessory that I hope someday you’ll grow to love, but for now, we’ll struggle with the tangles, keep it curly as often as possible without making you miserable, straighten it for a change every now and then, and I’ll keep telling you you’re beautiful inside and out. I’ll tell you as often as possible, because it’s true. SO, so very true.

Love you to the moon and back…

Be strong in the LORD and,
Never give up hope,
You’re going to do great things,
I already know,
God’s got His hand on you so,
Don’t live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don’t forget why you’re here,
Take your time and pray

(“The Words I Would Say”, by Sidewalk Prophet)

If I could sum up the things that I want to teach my kids in the chorus of a song, this would be how it would go.

So, kids, here it is.

Life is going to hit you, and probably hard. It’s going to happen sooner than I would like, I’m sure, and you need to know how much truth these words hold.

Be strong in the Lord, because His strength is so much bigger than yours or mine and he will ALWAYS have your best interest in mind. ALWAYS. He will never fail you even if it seems that everyone else has.

Never give up hope, even when it seems like there’s nothing else to do. Trust that God is there ready to hold you, even when it feels like your heart has broken too many times to count. When you feel like giving up hope, don’t. Why?

Because You’re going to do great things (I DO already know) and God has His hand on you always. His love is greater than either of us can even imagine. It is beyond my comprehension to imagine that anyone can love you more than I do, but I know that he does. He’s healed my heart so many times out of His tremendous love for me, and he will do the same for you. He instilled this love that I carry for you, in my heart. If He can make me capable of this kind of love, what ridiculously huge amounts of love must He have for you? SO MUCH! And, if you don’t feel it all the time, don’t doubt it’s existence. It is there. Always. Forever. It is eternal, and nothing you do can stop it.

Don’t live life in fear. You’re at the age right now where we can watch VeggieTales and sing “God is bigger than the boogieman” and that’s enough for you to know that God is bigger than anything else in life. Someday, that won’t be enough for you because the boogieman won’t be your biggest fear. But, let me tell you the truth of the matter. There is nothing to be afraid of. Ever. We all have fears, but none of them are bigger than what you can overcome with God. A great lesson that took me years to learn was this: I will still be afraid if I don’t take that first step. God’s strength will carry you past that if you ask, but you must take that first step. Fear will rarely just go away. Take that first step and trust.

Forgive and forget. You’ll probably hear that phrase a lot over the course of your life – listen well. Holding grudges will only grow bitterness and anger in you. No matter what wrong has been done to you or how your heart has been hurt, healing will only come for you if you can let go and forgive.

Don’t forget why you’re here. It is so easy to get caught up in day-to-day life and forget why we’re here. Make a difference. Love God with all you’re heart, love those around you, and leave a legacy that Jesus would proud of.

Take your time and pray. Don’t worry about sounding “right” or how other people pray. Just talk to God. He’s listening and He wants to talk to you. It will make more of a difference in your life than you can know. There’s a reason that He’s referenced as our Abba, and it’s the relationship that He wants with you.

There’s so much that is going to happen to you in this life, and so many more things to learn and know, but we’ll start here for now…